What's-His-Face from P90X Hates Fat People

Ok, ok, so maybe he doesn't hate fat people, but it sure as hell feels like it after an episode. Sure, he created P90X to make people fit but that does not change my sentiment after experiencing Chest & Back. All I can say is, "Ouch".

Yeah fattie, I'm coming after you!

It does feel amazing though, and my muscles ache in a good way. D suggested we do "Ab Ripper" or as it sounded like to me, "Hernia Generator", so I gently declined by flopping my arms all over the place (purely for biometrics, not because I didn't have muscle control) and made a noise that sounded very much like a cat zombie. He took the hint and we mutually decided to attempt it tomorrow.

All in all, it really made me realize just how out of shape I am. Although, I don't think I could ever remember actually being in shape before, unless you count an amorphous blob as one. But thanks weirdly-energetic-with-the-crazy-biceps-and-inclination-to-say-BAM!-loudly-like-you-are-trying-to-scare-the-fat-out-of-my-newly-ripped-muscles-dude-who-created-P90X for reminding me of this fact. I appreciate it, and that is why I will be doing more. Later. When the pain stops being painful.

Painmaker - Kill Your Tastebuds So You Won't Want To Eat Anymore

Having grown up with spicy food and dating someone who comes from a country where spices are a way of life, I am used to a certain level of spiciness and I deeply enjoy experiencing the heat it can bring. Not to mention, this donk read somewhere, some-place that spicy food helps you lose weight. However, finding a good spicy sauce is quite difficult in Germany, and sauces I've bought in the past were like innocent lambs dancing across my palate instead of the savage lions chasing those innocent lambs across my palate that I so wanted.

After a long search, and completely by chance, I found the savage lion of all savage lions. Meet Painmaker.

Dun dun dunnnn.

When I first set eyes on this bottle, initial thought, "Cool. A skull." then came, "It can't be that hot, it's just a gimmick." Then, "€11.99? Must be fo realsies!" So I bought it.

The plan for dinner was to marinate chicken wings in this sauce, so I added a tablepoon diluted in water completely ignoring the instructions to use just a drop. Also notice the 200,000 Scoville Units? Know what that is? I sure as hell didn't, so it was completely ignored. That and also the double row of skulls on both sides of the bottle AND a warning that this was not meant for children under the age of 16. Did I mention there was an age check at the cash register? Smart donk that I am, I ignored all that and set the chicken wings from hot to chemical weapon.

I would just like to mention, when I showed the bottle to D, he proceeded to open it, took a small drop of Painkiller and licked it off his hand. What happened next was a saga of woes lasting 24 hours. And we still ate the chicken wings. Well, three out of eight that were prepared. That sauce is SPICY. I was only able to manage half a wing, D the other two and half. I will admit, it was brutal. Tears, snot, sweat and coughing ensued for at least a couple of hours, and we devoured salad, buttered couscous and water to douse the apocalypse in our mouths. This is some serious stuff, and like the label says, it is hardcore.

Determined to be too hot to eat, we decided to save the rest of the wings for another day where we can combine it with yogurt, potato and fire extinguisher.

Anyone want a taste?

New Shoes!

Ok, so I actually bought them a week ago, but with my work schedule changing from hectic to hell, I took a vacay from my regimen until today when I finally(!) took them for their virgin walk. They definitely feel a lot better and lighter than my hiking shoes I was using before. Which ones did I buy? Glad you asked. Turns out the Nike Lunarglide were absolutely awful when I tried them in store, no support and the heel kept coming off. Not what you want when you're running. There was another pair by Oasics I tried out, really liked the feel but could not get over how ugly they were. So I'm shallow when it comes to shoes, so what? When I look down, marveling at how my feet are able to run while supporting this huge donk, I want to see sexy shoes. And sexy is what I got:

Ta-da!

Welcome home, Adidas Supernova. Welcome home.

2.5k!!!

Running a full 2.5k and completing that mini-goal came about very quickly! I thought it would take me at least another week or two. D and I went running, and instead of feeling ready to collapse, SMB in full swing and begging for a break at the 1.5k mark, I was feeling really good. I gave the thumbs up to D, and we continued our run for the last kilometer. What an amazing feeling! We hugged, high tenned, slapped each other's butt and stretched briefly before walking back.

D, being taller with longer legs and what with him being a man and all, could run faster and harder than the pace I'm setting. But being the nice guy he is, he runs at my speed and waits for me when I lag behind with an encouraging word and a donk pat. Having a supportive partner makes running fun, and I'm lucky to have him.

Next running mini-goal: 3.5k!

I'm hoping to be able to run a full 5k within a couple of weeks. With the amount of progress in such a short amount of time, it can happen. Most likely around the time when I get these babies:

Sweeeet

In other news, no major weight loss yet. I thought I lost about 2 lbs, but when I weighed myself again a couple of days later, it was back. I think my body played a practical joke on me, getting its revenge for all those salads and vegetables I've force fed it. I plan on continuing my exercise and diet plan though, so hopefully I'll start seeing results soon. Then we'll see who's the butt of the joke. Mwahahaa!

Donkiggity Hummus

After discovering how fantastically delicious and donkiggity home-made hummus is, I've never gone back to store bought. It's so fresh and intense, I can't stop myself from making love to the food processer to get every peppery, lemony globs out. I found a great recipe, but added my own personal touches to give it that extra boost of flavor and spiciness. Just keep in mind, tonguing the food processer's blades when finished are to be done carefully and slowly to prevent any unwanted tongue piercings. It helps to keep in tempo of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" as you do it.

Ingredients:

• One 16 oz can of chickpeas
• 1/4 cup liquid from can of chickpeas
• Fresh juice from an entire lemon
• 2 tablespoons tahini
• 3 cloves garlic, crushed
• Pinch of salt
• 1 tbsp pepper
• 2 tablespoons olive oil

Preparation:

• Measure out your chickpea liquid first before draining the chickpeas. Combine all ingredients in blender or food processor. Blend for about 5 minutes on low until thoroughly mixed and smooth.

• Place in serving bowl, and create a shallow well in the center of the hummus.

• Add a small amount of olive oil in the well. Garnish with parsley (optional).

• Serve with sliced cucumber, bell pepper, carrots or eat simply with a spoon or your finger. You're even allowed to lick it straight from the bowl and have your wicked way with it.

Oooh, yeah.

My Sister, A St. Jude Warrior

First off, I want to say how incredibly proud I am of my sister. Not only is she studying for her Masters in Political Science with the goal of getting into Harvard Law, but she also lost 30 lbs a year ago and is now participating in the 2012 Warrior Dash for St. Jude. Her goal is to raise $250 (€190), and so far she has raised $170 from the last time I checked her page.
She has been a big source of inspiration to me in my own weight loss; she looks amazing, she has loads of energy and now she is putting her now healthy state into a good purpose by running a 5k obstacle course in Southern California to raise money for sick children. The race itself looks challenging and really really cool, and I totally wish I was doing it with her.

So I am asking my dearest, sweetest, generous friends, if they would be so kind as to donate a bit of money to her cause so she can realize her goal!

Yasmin's Page
St. Jude Warrior Dash Homepage
Warrior Dash Youtube Video

St. Jude Warrior, Mimi!

Slobbery Mouth Breather and The Great Donk Escape

I noticed something as I was running, first I produce a huge amount of spit and second, I breathe heavily which causes the spit to, well, spew out in attractive, juicy gobs. That was when I came to the realization that I am a Slobbery Mouth Breather runner. I can't even switch to breathing through my nose because then I'm a Snotty Loud Breather and that is so much worse, not to mention, disgusting. Sure, being a SMB clears the path in front of me by alarming people I'm coming up to from behind, not to mention it's actually a nice re-hydrator, but why couldn't my body had decided to do something a bit sexier? Instead, I look like this:

Exactly like this. Even the short fat legs bit.

On another note: My donk does not like pants. Or more specifically, workout pants. I'm crossing the street as I'm running when my donk tries to escape the confines of its elastic waist prison and nearly mooned construction workers, mothers with children and cars driving past. Brilliant. Absolutely, bloody fantastic. My donk had a ball, literally jiggling in joy and enjoyed the brief moment of freedom and fresh air before I desperately pulled my pants back up amid whistles and car honks and ran away for dear life. Sure, it wasn't a full moon in the middle of the afternoon, more like a waxing gibbous, but oh boy, was my face red.

It's not a full moon if you don't see crack.

Now for some good news: For the first time, I ran a full 1.5k without stopping to walk. Woohoo! Huge progress! Next goal, running 2.5k and eventually the full 5k! Let's see if I can tone down the SMB and not expose myself the next time.

Save as Draft

Donkalicious Music

When exercising alone, whether it's at the gym or doing my 5k, I heavily rely on music to get motivated to move faster and work harder. The best part is, you don't need a fancy MP3 either. I use a very simple iPod shuffle in blue that only cost €49. It doesn't have a screen, but since I like to keep my music on shuffle anyway, it keeps my workouts more interesting. I am also notoriously lame with my song selections (just ask my sister). I enjoyed Backstreet Boys and N' SYNC well into my late teens, and I still bust a move whenever I hear a song of theirs.

At the moment, I have a little over 5 hours of songs. But, you don't need any more than an hours worth to get started. Here's an example of my playlist:

1. Set Fire to the Rain - Adele
2. Airplane Lyrics B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams
3. Apologize (feat. OneRepublic)
4. Bad Influence - P!nk
5. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
6. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
7. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
8. Can't Be Tamed - Miley Cyrus
9. Bright Lights Bigger City ft Wiz Khalifa - Cee Lo Green
10. Fuck You - Cee Lo Green
11. Circus - Britney Spears
12. Cough Syrup - Young The Giant
13. Zombie - The Cranberries
14. Blue Jeans - Lana del Rey
15. Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes ft. Adam Levine
16. Burn It To The Ground - Nickleback

Yes, you are seeing Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears mingled with Queen and Green Day. Don't like it? You can suck it.

I used to be obsessed with these boys. Especially JT, rawr!

Small Goals, Big Rewards

What really helped me during the year I lost the most amount of weight was creating small goals and upon completion, rewarding myself with something other than food. It soon became apparent what that reward would be: new clothing. It wasn't immediately obvious because I had never lost so much weight before, but I did start to notice that after losing 10-15 lbs, I fit into a smaller jeans size. Woot! Found my reward. There is nothing better than easily slipping into a new pair of smaller jeans. It's an instant mood booster and you feel the serotonin pumping through your body, giving an extra oomph that helps to work towards your next small weight loss goal.
The biggest celebration was after losing 60 lbs and realizing that not only did I not have to shop in the plus size section anymore, but my BMI went from "obese" to "overweight". Health wise, that is a huge deal. I knew at that moment that my heart and body was so much better because of it; I didn't have as much difficulty breathing, my joints hurt less (especially my knees), and my endurance for exercise skyrocketed.

Which bring me to my current mini-goal: I plan on losing 10 lbs so I can fit back into my comfy size 10 jeans, which are not fitting so comfy right now. Since 8 lbs is from the weight gain, I will resist(!!!) the urge to buy new jeans only until after I lose another 10 lbs and fit into a smaller size.

My main goal: Lose 30 lbs. Not only will it bring me to the "healthy" BMI, but I hope to be able to fit into a size 6/8 jeans as well.

But let me tell you, this donk is not going away so easily. So, what I like to do to help with motivation is to watch before and after weight loss videos on Youtube. It helps visually to see other women go through the same process.

Here are a few examples:

• 20 lbs Weight Loss
• 50 lbs Weight Loss
• 79 lbs Weight Loss

Breakfast of Champions

Usually on my days off, I lounge around, maybe clean the apartment a bit, and definitely not exercise at all.  But since D and I want to get into shape, we made an agreement to do our 5k on those mornings when I don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn for work.  So after silently threatening bodily harm when he woke me up at 9am today, I slowly changed into my workout clothes and we headed out.

The fresh morning air and sun cheerily shining down felt great, and it quickly invigorated me, so by the time we warmed up, we were walking at a brisk pace. We did a small run for about two blocks on the way back, and then another short run for another block. It's all about slowly building up to be able to run the entire way, and I was quite proud to have run that much already, although I was panting and gasping like an obscene caller.

I found this article on Yahoo Shine about how to slowly build up to a full run: How To Turn Your Walk Into A Run. It has some excellent points so you don't hurt yourself and how to train to run a proper 5k.

After our walk, I prepared a delicious breakfast of GF muesli, a home-made recipe created by my mom. I mixed it with coconut milk, a spoonful of home-made peanut butter, low-fat milk and frozen berries. Microwave for a couple of minutes, and you've got a donk friendly breakfast that will pump your body with energy and nutrients. Paired with a nice café latte made from Costa Rican beans (Thanks C!), and this breakfast will keep you moving all day.

Yes, that is a mug with Van Gogh's "Skull of a Skeleton with a Burning Cigarette" on it. Awesome possum.

Baked Coconut Fish

Before my 5k walk, I found this fantastic recipe for dinner tonight. It called for the fish to be fried, but since my donk doesn't deserve fried foods, I baked and then broiled the fish for that crispy texture.

Yum!

Ingredients:

• 4-5 white-fleshed fillets of fish (I used Pollock or Seelachs auf Deutsch, I also like to make extra so I can have leftovers for lunch the next day. Adjust the recipe as you see fit)
• fresh coriander or basil and lime wedges for garnish

MARINADE:

• 3/4 cup coconut milk
• 1.5 Tbsp. fish sauce
• 1/2 tsp. ground dried crushed chili
• 1/4 tsp. ground coriander

TOPPING:

• 2 cups dry shredded coconut, unsweetened
• 1 fresh red chili, minced, OR 1/2 tsp. dried crushed chili (add more or less to taste)
• 2 clove garlic, minced
• 1 tsp. grated ginger
• 1 tsp. grated lime zest
• Small pinch of sugar
• 1 Tbsp. fresh lime juice
• 1 Tbsp. fish sauce

Marinating Fish

Preparation:

• Pre-heat oven to 400° F or 200° C.

• Place fish in a flat dish. Stir marinade ingredients together and pour over fish. Turn fillets in the marinade several times, then leave in the refrigerator to marinate while you prepare other ingredients. 

Coconut Mix

• Place shredded coconut in a dry frying pan over medium-high heat. Stir occasionally until coconut turns light golden-brown. Try not to eat all of the toasted coconut when it's done, or you'll just have to make a new batch...

• Add all other 'Topping' ingredients to the bowl of toasted coconut. Gently toss to mix everything together. Set aside.

Fish coated in coconut

• Take the now marinaded fish and place on aluminum foil. Using a spoon or your hands, coat the fish with the coconut topping, flip over the fish and repeat. 

Wrapped and ready to go!

• Wrap the fish in the aluminum foil and place on middle oven rack, let it bake for 15 minutes.

• Carefully removing the fish, open the top of the aluminum foil. Carefully touch the fish, it should flake under light pressure. If not, allow another 5-10 minutes. 

• Move the oven rack to the top and put the fish back in, but with the foil open on top. Change the setting of your oven to broil, same temperature, and keep an eye on it. It should become crispy brown in a matter of minutes. 

• Sprinkle over some fresh coriander or basil, and enjoy!

This was served with a 2 cups of lentils and 1 cup rice, followed by a delicious dessert of pomegranite!

Jiggly Wiggly

February hit me in the face with a baguette sledgehammer. The relief of escaping the holidays unscathed was met with a slow metamorphosis into a Banana Slug where I could go for two days without moving. My body paid me back with a nice surprise when I weighed myself last week: +8 lbs.

Holy crap.

Some people might say, "What's the big deal? It's only 8 lbs. I can lose that on a strict water and bile diet." Well, my response to you is to STFU. I enjoy eating, as was evidenced through my giant binging phase I like to call my teenage years, which led to me weighing my heaviest at 245 lbs. Over the past two years, I've lost 80 lbs, bringing me into a comfy plateau zone my body frustratingly decided to stay put at and I wasn't prepared for a rebuttal. So a nearly 10 lbs weight increase will cause me to go into a spastic freak out and curse all those Snickers and McDonald's french fries for their demonic deliciousness and 'forever on the hips' calories that I devoured. Oh, and also curse my stupid willpower that apparently went on vacation for a month and did not tell me.

With the very strong desire of wearing a bikini for the first time in my life in the near future and not have anything extraneous jiggling while I walk around in said bikini, followed by the desire of not wanting to scare people while wearing the bikini, I started myself on a stricter diet and exercise plan last week. The idea of writing a blog and writing out food plans, recipes and exercise will help keep me on track and *hopefully* out of McDonald's evil, evil grasp.

Goals

• Walk/run 5k a day and eventually be able to run the entire time. With my donk constantly jiggling as I run, this will serve as a huge ass reminder.

•  Eat healthier foods and stick to my wheat free diet. Try to eat at least one serving fruit and vegetable with every meal. With spring around the corner, this shouldn't be too difficult. Just need to remind myself Pommes are not a vegetable. Neither is Pizza.

• Go on a long or challenging hike once a week and enjoy the best of Bavaria with my special someone.

• Limit alcohol intake to once a week and caffeine to one espresso. These will be tough because I've grown a fondness to drinking and I work in a cafe.

If nobody hears from me, assume my stomach ate itself and is slowly digesting the rest of my body. But hopefully, if I stick with it, there will be some great results.